"Realize that within your heart there is the strength to regulate all the choices in life. Following your heart builds the confidence to express your full potential."

Doc Childre

Emotional maturity beckons us to put into practice that which we don't necessarily feel capable of doing. Last July, I attended a retreat that dealt with what it takes to become an "Emotional Engineer." The focus was on deepening one's process and practice to convert emotional baggage—like worry, disappointment, or resentment—into a "higher, larger" state that enables greater access to a more advanced intelligence. A "higher, larger" state of being is when you experience yourself in a flow, even in the face of challenge, something most of us have experienced at least once in our lives. No matter what gets thrown your way, you can see the big picture and act with the highest outcome in mind for all.

Emotional engineering facilitates more of this higher state that lifts us out of ignorance and bulkiness into a clearer, lighter view of things. At the retreat, six attitudes were described that would add to our success as emotional engineers, and one of these attitudes was 'emotional maturity.' I knew what emotional maturity was and could define it, describe it, even list behavioral examples of it. And if I was honest with myself, I also knew I didn't always practice emotional maturity. So I took this attitude on as my primary focus in moving towards becoming a reliable, trustworthy emotional engineer. Now it's six months later, and I'm seeing quality results and comprehending better what being emotionally mature requires. A simple example from my life is outlined below.

Old Behavior If alone, emotions fly as they may—no restraint practiced.

Action Taken Notice raw emotions as they surface, pause and breathe, remember what is important to me.

New Outcome Fewer incidents of raw emotions occur. If they do, less intense and more brief. Improved sense of self.

What I found powerful was that the simple act of noticing brought about tremendous shifts in behavior. To produce this change for yourself, at the onset, you will want to define what you desire, e.g., both the behavior you want to limit and the outcome you imagine. This will necessitate aligning with your core—what's most important to your finest self. Then create simple steps, like pausing and breathing, to stop the pattern you want to transmute—there has to be a break in the action. Then, grant support and encouragement to yourself as you grow. Know that the new behavior will take some time to manifest. Be patient and diligent in your practice. Allow yourself to gradually feel the textures of 'the new' that bestow a sense of accomplishment and composure. Feel the ease as you recognize transformation.

Lindsay Wagner