Lessons of My Own"At the center of the Universe is a loving heart that continues to beat and that wants the best for every person. Anything that we can do to help foster the intellect and spirit and emotional growth of our fellow human beings, that is our job. Those of us who have this particular vision must continue against all odds. Life is for service."
Fred Rogers ("Mister Rogers") 1928-2003
I took a seminar recently presented by Tom Stone called "Living Life on Purpose." During the course of the day, one of the things he talked about was that we are the only ones who can truly love ourselves. The nature of humanity is that we love only the self, and we are drawn to people who reflect parts of ourselves that we love. This concept was a radical departure from how I had previously thought of love, especially the capacity to love and be loved by another. While the seminar taught us much more about love—what it is and what it is not—the point I want to share is that since then, I have been practicing self-love in a dramatically different way than ever before.
Simply experimenting with the idea that I'm the only one on the planet who is capable of loving me, has increased my commitment to love myself through the tough times, the vices, even the atrocious, dreadful actions that I refer to as the 'lowest common denominator behaviors' of which we are all capable. This level of love and commitment to myself has been nothing less than astonishing, both in terms of how it feels and in terms of how it impacts my own growth. The warmth, the acceptance, and the strength of support has been profound. It's been more powerful than times when others who have 'loved me' (expressed in this familiar way we all know) have supported and cajoled me through tough times. First of all, the energy I spend beating myself up is markedly decreased. I "get past" the self-flogging in short order, because I'm experimenting with being the only one who will love me through, so I better get right to the loving and healing.
I tune into the love by focusing in the area of my heart and doing the attitudinal breathing I spoke of in my last newsletter—breathing in through the heart and out through the solar plexus for 30 seconds or more in a relaxed manner. Being practiced in this technique, I can engender a sincere feeling of love and care relatively quickly, and then go deeper for a more complete process. Perhaps, as quoted by Mr. Rogers above, life is for service—and indeed I am learning that when I care for and truly love myself, there is then more substantive value to share with others.
