We Communicate on Many Levels

One simple model describes three primary levels of communication:

• Word level
• Feeling level
• Essence level

The feeling level means that I pay attention to the emotions expressed. This may be conveyed in a number of ways, such as by tone of voice, volume, or body language. Now when I put the words with the feeling, I am more likely to correctly understand the communication. Unless, of course, the words don't match the feeling. An example of a mismatch might be when a student is asked if he is afraid to make his first parachute jump, and the student says "no" quietly and ever so slightly nods his head yes. With a mismatch, however, it is a perfect opportunity to point out the discrepancy and ask for more information, thereby increasing your chances of having a clear and accurate communication.

The essence level is the most accurate, but hardest to develop as a form of communication. When you listen for the essence you are attending to the whole person, and your focus is sharp, your intention keenly aware. You are listening to the words, watching and hearing the feelings, and offering your full attention with no verbal or mental interruptions. Often, you are holding the speaker in positive regard as well, perhaps engendering care or appreciation for them as you listen. It is listening at this level that generally relaxes the speaker, enabling them to open up and articulate their communication clearly. As a listener engaged in essence listening, you are not formulating what you are going to say back to the person simultaneously, you are purely listening, watching, holding a positive view of your speaker.

While essence communication, or intuitive listening requires practice to perfect, it is the most effective, results in the least amount of misinterpretation, and saves time. In addition, intuitive listening enhances interactions and sustains positive relationships over time. Imagine a meeting in which the players are all practicing intuitive listening. People feel heard, valued, and appreciated for their contribution. This can't help but boost peoples' productivity and enthusiasm for their work. It's a win-win for everyone.

Speaking Your Truth

The other half of intuitive communication is how we speak to one another. When we have something complementary to say, it's easy to use a tone of voice that can be easily heard. But when we disagree with someone, or feel hurt by something they've said or done, we can easily launch into a diatribe with no attention to how or whether we will be heard.

Speaking from a place of balance brings value and effectiveness to every communication. While it does require practice (and patience), the steps are simple and straightforward. First, pause to recognize what you are feeling. Take a brief time out to center yourself and identify your purpose in communicating. If answers like, "to vent... get even... or give them a piece of my mind" spring to the foreground, take another time out-you're not yet in balance.

The purpose of your communication—in business or in personal relationships—should be something that supports you and supports the whole. Go back to your vision and values, and remember the things that matter the most to you. Align with these core values as you examine the intent of your communication and an outcome that serves the greatest good.

Now, with balance restored, ask yourself what words... feelings... and essence you can use that will effectively convey your message and will most likely be heard by your listener. This may take some practice and require you to have a neutral listener be your "audience" who can provide some valuable feedback. When you are ready to deliver your message, you might even be willing to share with your listener your earlier discovered intent of the communication and your desired outcome. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable in this way can further your progress in achieving the greatest good for everyone concerned.

Intuitive communication, both in listening and speaking your truth, can become a part of the corporate culture, the foundation of your business. In Clicks and Mortar, Pottruck and Pearce define corporate culture as "a set of values, a common language, and all the actions that make the values real." Take the time to let speaking to one another with respect and listening to one another with positive regard be a part of your culture.